good newses

i woke up today to big t-storms. there was hail and loud wind - a piece of hail almost hit me when i closed one of my windows! i haven't looked at my car yet to see if there's damage, but i doubt there is. the ground was really soft, i think we hadn't had much rain in a while.

but when i checked my email, i had one from tim who said he and raeanne are moving to the peoria area where tim will take a job at caterpillar! woo hoo! they've been living in the champaign area for the last few years and it'll be really good to have them back.

also in the email were the results to my comprehensive essays: i passed! i've thought all along that it would be ridiculous not to pass, but you never know and i didn't want to jinx myself.

my flight out of o'hare leaves in 7 days and 41 minutes.

it was four years ago that i heard of the england program from my advisor, and she said that i should try to go, and that they go every two years. well, at that time i was just starting the program; i took one class that may-june and then i stopped for a year and a half because i got pink-slipped. i didn't wanna take classes 1) that i would not be reimbursed for, 2) for a program i may not have been able to finish if i had to move away for a job 3) for a program that almost requires you to be teaching so that you can research in your classroom...

so dr. black told me to shoot for 2004 when i began, but it turns out i had to wait for 2006, and i think that may be better, i'm a slight bit more mature at least and also can afford the trip better now.

skimming reality - listening to counting crows 'sullivan street' & remy zero 'fair' and outkast 'hey ya'

rode the bike yesterday to pick up my car from dave's house - i realized that when i posted last night, i didn't specify that i didn't drive once i started to party. you know.

when i got within a mile of dave's apartment, i there was a hill that probably goes for .25 miles. on hills, especially steep ones or long ones, i average between 6-8 miles an hour, which people can jog easily, i know, but hills on bikes are hard! anyway, going that speed, i was able to get a good long look at a smooshed snake in the middle of the road. looked pretty fresh. it was probably 1.5 inches in diameter! nice pattern too, i could have used it for a belt.

so when i have read books written by writers, for writers, they advise listening to real conversations to pick up phrases and thoughts expressed in reality. the thing about that is, everyone, myself included, thinks what they say aloud is pretty coherent. i know that listening to myself at a later time having been recorded, i wish i had a built in editing machine. i wish i spoke as well as i think i write. but i don't. although i think my meanings are usually conveyed well enough, i sound like a buffoon sometimes: i seem to abandon thoughts mid-sentence - though what i actually do is enter the silent inner monologue for some reason. i get frustrated speaking cuz i know that there will never ever be enough time to convey what i want to, and even if i do, other people may decode my spoken message differently from the way i meant it.

anyway, i am yet again at panera. and when i sat down i started overhearing someone who was not really trying to hide what he was saying. he was coherent enough, and i don't think he was shy about talking. he did most of the talking in the group he was in. he sat with a married couple (i assumed at first and it was confirmed later).

"... so people kept telling me about this place. everyone i talked to said the same thing, 'you meet someone at lunch, have sex with them, then meet another guy at dinner and have sex, and it doesn't matter.' and whenever someone said that i just thought, 'i, i don't know. i don't know if that appeals to me, really.'

i didn't assume his sexuality then, i wondered if maybe he was quoting women who were talking about a cruise ship or something, where there is just tons of sex going on.

then it got pitiful for a minute. and a morpheme of the conversation kept getting muffled, maybe cuz i was listening extra hard for it, maybe it was cuz he didn't want to be that obviously flaming.

"and i want a ___friend, but i don't have one. if i want a ___friend, why don't i have one? i am involved in a group of writers up in chicago. there's six of us, and two of them are couple, and the other ones are not my type."

then he was inaudible for a minute...

"one guy was really not my type, you know he was large, grossly obese. and he asked me if i knew anyone he could date. i don't know this guy at all, but 'do you know anyone i could date?'

back to my thoughts: i was not offended at this guy's speech, but i wondered how the family sitting nearby felt about their small children hearing this. they either didn't hear, weren't listening, were resolved not to react, like me, or wanted to eat quickly and get out. i'm just being honest right now, a conversation with heterosexual content would be equally offensive to adults with small children in earshot.

and as for not wanting to react, i'm just saying that you don't get a chance to be around people having frank conversations about their dating/sex life, especially homosexual people. i won't pretend that i am totally comfortable around all gay people, nor that their conversations are not intriguing at times. it's more of that 'collecting people's speech' concept.

friday, june 9 blending to saturday june 10

so here we are 4 days later and comps are almost done, they are due next thursday but i want to turn them in monday. i went out with dave and some of his friends tonight. it was okay... one dude was pretty full of himself, but what can you do? we were at dave's house for most of the night, i think. but i just got home. we were out to see a band: mike and joe... they're alright. well, i gotta go to bed. i'm watching lotr - fellowship of the ring. such a good movie about such an even better book...

three weeks to england. unbelievable.

june 2006

this may be the only post i make this month, i am split so many ways right now and i feel like i'm doing things on autopilot. school is over, this is the second weekday of summer vacation, yesterday i was at school finishing up the summer cleaning and taking care of the frogs and fish.

sunday i worked on my research class at panera, and then went grocery shopping. after that, i went frisbee golfing and had my personal best game - finishing with 10 over par... i had two birdies, one of which i threw the frisbee through a bunch of trees and got it in the basket.

walking back from frolfing, i heard my name shouted and turning i saw dave and amy partying on a porch on main street with a bunch of people i don't know, but who i pass every time i go down to the park. i sat with them for a while and they invited me camping that night. this is all sunday, and i felt that i had put in my time working on stuff, and i agreed to go. it took 20 minutes to run to my house and pack up my stuff, then tell the neighbors where i was headed (i check in with them more than i ever did with my parents).

camping was awesome! lisa and her friend tina came out for a while, and things got funny but also annoying on dave's part ... but dave's friends are really cool, and now that i know the people i am passing on the way to the park, perhaps i can stop by from time to time. i was the oldest person out there, which was unusual for me these days.

okay, i came to panera to work, and work i shall, but i just wanted to update on the weekend's events and stuff. i'm gonna try and finish comps by this weekend... we'll see. i need motivation or something. i need a study hall teacher to tell me to "Get To Work."