the corporate takeover of language

Entire dialects call cola either coke or pepsi. Or diet coke or diet pepsi. Some dialects say cola, some say soda, some say pop, some say soft drink.

But restaurants, I think everywhere, are being forced, by the soda companies that they buy from exclusively, to make their customers at least consent to having a “pepsi” or “coke” served to them by name. Apparently it’s harmful if your brand name becomes generic to the product: the way that Kleenex is a name applied to all brands of tissue. You ask for a pepsi and they have a monogamous relationship with coke, so they ask, “is coke alright?” I’ve never cared one way or the other between pepsi and coke, but because pepsi and coke are at war with one another, I am requested to not utter one cola’s name in another’s territory.

I was always surprised that some people would hold a can of pepsi and say that it’s a ‘coke,’ and vice versa. I don’t imagine that people will ever start asking for bread, potato chips, or cereal by brand name. For breakfast I had Kelloggs. For lunch I had Brownberry and Oscar Mayer with a side of Frito Lay. Oh, and I had a Vlasic on the side. To drink I had prairie farms with hershey's.

Corporations are also playing with comparative adjectives. When you’ve decided on the name of the cola you’ll be drinking, and if size is an option, some corporations have removed the “small” choice. They have regular and large. “I’d like a small coke.” “I’m sorry, we have regular and large.” I’d like to take this person on the other side of the counter back to the early days of language learning. I’d like to show them their earlier, more independent self, distinguishing between, not just three, but maybe 6 or more of those multicolored cups that stack inside each other. Or maybe they had nesting dolls, or a book called, “Big, Bigger, Biggest.” Does this person not realize that I have not been given the corporate line? I’m sorry, I saw two distinctly different-sized cups, but I didn’t know how you were naming them. When I said small, I meant that I’d like the one that is not big, relatively speaking. If that means regular to you, then give me the regular cup.

Undoubtedly, this effort by corporations is to make you think that you are getting “lots” for your money. Of course it’s all perception and semantics, sales and profits… and it’s not really the fault of the employees, but they should realize that their ability to think and speak independently is being taken. I don’t know, maybe I fear this kind of freedom loss more than the fact that corporations have taken over the government. I mean, they are writing (and getting away with breaking) the laws in Washington, and now they want to control our speech. What we say, how we say it – is being decided by people who measure the effect on sales depending on how things are phrased.

Thank you. Thank you very much.